Maybe it isn't so bad

Stash from the front yard Easter Egg hunt


Update: see end of post


I’ve received a lot of support and advice over the last 24 hours. When I wrote my post yesterday, I didn’t realize how strong my feelings of angst were. It must have come through because I didn’t even realize that I had posed a question – to stay at home or stay at work.

Some suggested following my heart. A wonderful strategy. Others thought that I should stay home with Marge even suggesting I take a leave immediately. Chris’ response to that was, “sure, I would suggest that too if I lived right in San Francisco!” (We love S.F. and are bitterly jealous of you!)

Reality states that I must work, however. Two mortgages, two preschool bills, one child support payment, car payments and general living expenses prohibit the luxury of one income. Could we pare things down? Absolutely. I just don’t think that the two mortgage thing can be pared down until Mr and Mrs Perfect come and buy our vacation home. Also, I doubt my current employer of less than 8 months would accept a leave on my part. I have a master’s degree and 16 years of work experience. I need to be careful with what I’ve built.

So where does that leave me? I think the experiences of the last couple of months have made me a better mother. A more sincere mother. I wrote a couple of months ago that I didn’t truly, truly enjoy mothering until I took Harry to “The Polar Express” movie. Maybe that’s when it all started to sink in. That may sound really trivial or weird to some, but as I said – parenting has never come terribly easily to me. But, this is real. These two little people are mine forever. To mold and love and teach and hold.

I may not be able to parent exactly as I want to right now, but I need to make it work and put them first. I’ve always done that, but for some reason it feels different now. Easier. More natural.

Both kids are still sick. Harrison had a fever most of the day and Ella is coughing in her sleep as I write this. Each cough makes me cringe. I told my co-workers that I would not be in tomorrow. My in-laws, who are visiting from Green Bay, watched them today, but are leaving tomorrow. I’m glad. This is my job and Chris’. He’ll take Friday and we’ll just go from there. One day at a time – figuring it all out along the way.

Update: My friend who's helping me sell my house back in Wisconsin just called. There is a woman who seems interested after she saw the house last night. Guess how this potential buyer found my email to contact me ? She Googled my post, "817 S. Quincy" I LOVE THE INTERNET!