Daycare dilemma...again

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Today was the “Easter”, oops, I mean “Spring” Party at Ella’s new preschool. She wore pastel colors – even tights and a flowered skirt. I was proud! They had a special lunch (that I didn’t have to make!) and even dyed eggs. She greeted me at the door tonight with a little basket filled with bright jelly beans, pale yellow grass, a plastic egg and a hard boiled egg. Harrison, by my side, noticed the basket, too, and they ran together to the table to look through her loot.

I stayed by the door and vented to two of her teachers about what I had been through the 30 minutes prior to coming to get Ella. Picking up Harrison this afternoon, I was in a great mood. I hadn’t seen either of my kids, for a substantial amount of time, since Monday night as we went to the NBA game with the Adam’s last night. I left for work early this morning and both kids were in a great mood. It left me with a lot of incentive to leave work on time and get to them quickly. As I entered Harry’s classroom, I noticed two substitute teachers in the room again. Harrison’s favorite teacher, Mr. Chris, has recently gone AWOL. Literally. He just hasn’t come in to work for about two weeks now. No one seems to know where he is – apparently he never even called. His other teacher ends her day about 3:00, so I think they’ve been scrambling to find coverage. One teacher was trying to read a story, while the other teacher was disciplining three of the kids. Harrison was sitting right next to the teacher who was reading. Apparently he had been misbehaving while sitting with the other children who were trying to listen. I wasn’t too surprised as he gets antsy late in the day. I couldn’t help but notice how frazzled the two teachers were. How they didn’t have control of the kids. They didn’t even know the children’s names and some of the kids were trying to help them with that.

I grabbed Harrison’s papers/drawings out of his cubby and found a discipline slip from his director. “Notice of Concern: (name, date, etc. – ok here’s the good part) "Harrison has had issues recently with spitting, hitting, kicking other students. We are concerned with this comportment (what?) issue as it is not acceptable in Kindergarten (apparently they are already thinking about next year).” I was blown away. Harry hasn’t had any behavior issues to speak of at school for quite awhile. The slip asked me to call, but I was there before 5:00 and walked right down to her office.

The director and I have been on awkward terms since the Ella incident. I am still a little bitter about it, but tried to remain calm and approach this with a fresh outlook. The director said that Harrison had a bad day. (Duh.) The first thing she wanted to know is if something was going on at home. I’m a counselor. I know exactly what she’s thinking and I quickly squelched her thought pattern. “No, in fact things are great. He has been more affectionate and loving than usual lately. He’s been telling me he loves me more often and is really expressing his love for his sister, too.” She cautiously nodded. Her comment put me on the defense, so I decided to go for the jugular. “I just left his room and I need you to know that it is chaotic in there right now.” She didn’t really accept that, but I gave her some scenarios. I also mentioned that the absence of Mr. Chris has affected him. I told her that he is convinced that his favorite guy (next to his dad) is out ill. “Mama, Mr. Chris IS coming back. He went to the doctor and is home recovering right now.” (I think Harry is pulling this from watching Ella go to the ER a couple weeks ago – and yes, he really used the word “recovering”) Our conversation ended with both of us agreeing that no matter what’s going on, Harrison needs to learn to handle frustration and anger in non-aggressive ways.

I tried to discern what had happened today to set him off, in the car on our way to get Ella, and he was unable to tell me much of anything. “Harry, what do you like about your school?” “Playing with the toys.” “What don’t you like about your school?” “Going to Miss Shawna’s office when I get in trouble.” Harrison, like his brother, is not a fan of verbalizing thoughts, feelings or details of a situation. It’s frustrating as hell for me, but it does help me to gain patience.

As Ella’s teachers listened to me tell them every thought and feeling I was having, including verbalizing every detail of what happened, I was comforted by their insightful and compassionate responses. They really honed in on the missing-Mr.-Chris-piece without me even mentioning it. They were unimpressed that preschoolers are "sent to the office" when they misbehave. The more they supported me, the more I talked. Harrison and Ella were playing so nicely together admiring both of their baskets (one of Ella’s teachers gave him his own)that I was able to talk uninterrupted and calmly. Finally, I expressed something, out loud, that I had been pondering for over a week. Harrison has been asking to attend Ella’s school. I haven’t taken his request too seriously. Not because I don’t respect my son, but my God, HE’S FOUR! He loves their sandbox and puzzles. For Harry, it’s usually about the toys. If you have good toys, you’re in. However, he’s been pretty consistent with his request and keeps telling me the he wants to be with his sister because “I love her.” Because of recent events, I asked the owner/director/teacher if she would be willing to let Harrison visit for a day to try it out. She suggested one day next week while Harrison is on Spring Break. Harry overheard this and seemed happy at the thought of "playing" at Ella's school for a day. He even brought it up later while I was boiling eggs for dinner. Harrison ate the egg in Ella's basket - that she had resoundingly rejected - and loved it. He asked for two more and I had to stop letting him eat them when he asked for a fourth. (Yuck - I hate hard boiled eggs!)

Just when I thought life was calming down, I am now heading straight into another daycare dilemma. Am I crazy? Should I just leave him in his stable environment? Or should I send him to a much smaller school where he might flourish, or he could fail miserably. My baby boy does need to learn to behave consistently and appropriately. Could another change wreak havoc or bring serenity?