I just thought these flowers were pretty

I took this picture up in Park City where it isn't as hot as down here in the desert valley.  The flowers seem brighter this time of year.  Probably because they haven't been fried in 95 degree plus weather for the last 6 weeks.  I love warm weather, but can't say I don't look forward to autumn.  

My dad came last night to visit for a week.  The kids started school on Tuesday and this is a big change for all of us.  So, of course, Chris decided that he needed to take a business trip.  Isn't that the way it goes?

Who woulda thought I'd get so excited about a garage?

We decided that we the only way to continue on the basement project, and still have a bit of space down there, was to organize the garage and then put all the stuff in the basement into the garage (toys, games, etc.).  This will be temporary until we get a wall unit with shelves and drawers.  So at about 10:00 AM yesterday we started emptying the garage.  This is what it looked like around 1:00 PM.

But check out the view when you turn around.

Fortunately, we live in the desert and it isn't supposed to rain for a week or more.  Why does that matter?  Because most of the stuff is still in the driveway.  I have gone through a ton of stuff and we have a huge pile of stuff for a garage sale.  It will feel good to actually know where things are.  

Now we have to tackle the attic of the garage.  It's full, too.  (see the stairs in the back?)  We want to empty it so that it can be a play room/music room.  Maybe even a photography studio some day?????

The basement - getting closer!!!

Here are some photos of the progress:

This is a shot of the shower.  The doors are just hanging out until the closet is created and the door to the office is moved.  (I just thought of something...we don't have a door for the bathroom?!!)  As you can see, it's going to be awesome - super large and will have borderless, glass doors.

This is a shot of the office/bedroom.  The weird "storage" wall to the right is actually a shelf.  It's a part of the foundation.  The drywall on the bottom half is just covering the foundation which I believe is made of a stone, dirt, cement mixture.  Chris decided to add framing, and eventually doors, so that we could use it for storage.  I thought it would be really cool to put a twin mattress up there for one of the kids - like a secret hideout.  I measured - there's room.

This is a picture of the other side of the office/bedroom.  To the near left is going to be a small closet.  Right past the closet is a hallway to the bathroom.  Right now that is the only access, but we have plans to move some things around (after we win the lottery) and then it will be accessible from the family room.

This is the hallway to the bathroom.  The wall protruding out to the right is the back of the shower.  The sink/vanity will go right where the ShopVac is sitting.  There was an old tool bench in the backyard that I found behind some bushes.  I pulled it into the garage and have started refinishing it.  I have already purchased a white vessel sink to put on top of it.  I think it will be really cool to have something like that in a new space - a piece of the house's history.

We are back in the thick of our remodeling projects.  Concentration is on the basement - adding an additional bedroom/office and a SECOND BATHROOM!  Chris is handling the bulk of the work, although we have hired a fairly cheap high-schooler who is often willing to help.  The level of Chris' expertise is pretty astounding.  I feel grateful that we don't have to hire a contractor, but I feel badly that all the responsibility is on his shoulders.  We were trying to get the bathroom done for some visitors last week and next, but it's not going to happen.  I need help with the tile choices.  I am thinking a palette of black, charcoal gray, beige, light gray and white.  Neutral yet a little unique.  The mosaic accent I'm looking at (for the back wall of the shower) is here.  (Unfortunately, the site won't let me direct link to the product.  If you have time to look - it's under "Glass Mosaic - Platinum.  The one I like looks most like "Celadon Swirl" although it doesn't appear to be green in the photo or in real life.)  The bulk of the tile, floors and other two walls of shower, would be this.  (Again, no direct link - this one is called "Urbanite".  The walls would be the "carbon" color in 12 x 12s and the floors would be "carbon" in the 8 x 24).  I think, to save money, we'll put a short "baseboard" of tile around the room and then paint the walls a light gray that matches the mosaic tile.  

As far as the office/bedroom, I have no idea for colors.  Obvious choice would be the same gray, but one of the kids may move into it someday and I don't think I'll want to paint again.

Have better ideas?  Let me know.

Happy Birthday, Christopher

We've been together for almost eleven years.  This weekend I was reminded that I don't know him as well as I should.  On Friday, I offered him the choice of two things for a birthday gift:  a 24 hour rental of a Harley-Davidson (the one I really hoped he'd pick!) or a university extension writing course (he secretly wants to have his own blog and make millions so that he can stay home while I go to work).  He thought over his options for about a millisecond and said, "Didn't you know that my motorcycle license expired?"  Then on Saturday, after returning from the grocery store thinking I had picked up all the necessary basics, I was quickly corrected.  I think his exact words were, "How can you have known me for so long and continue to forget to buy the things that I like?!!"  Defensively, I raised my voice (not too much) and responded that I am always thinking of him.  That he is my universe - of course I give him what he needs.  I just had no idea he would get so worked up over orange juice.  You would think I forgot the gin!

I am glad that these are the types of "conflicts" we're encountering at this stage of the game.  After nine years of marriage, I am as secure as ever in the decision I made to marry Chris.  As the two of us hit the big "44" this year, I'm realizing that things change with age.  There are weird things that happen to your body, and different challenges as the children age as well.  

I am so lucky that I have such an amazing man that's willing to watch me get even older - or is it that he's lucky I'm willing to watch?

We just call him "Almanzo"

Harrison is learning how to be a pioneer this week.

Hiking at Solitude

We took the kids up Big Cottonwood Canyon to get out of the heat on Sunday.  The hike started off pretty easy.  All I had to worry about was one of the kids falling off the boardwalk into the swamp, but at least that fate is better than falling off the edge of a cliff.

On the drive up the canyon (yes, this picture is out of order) I just stuck my camera out the window a few times.  Every view was better than the last.

Heres the girl.  Why is she holding her arm up like that?  She's showing me her Statue of Liberty pose.  Oh.  Of course.

The climb was one mile, but 700 vertical feet.  For some reason I wore Tevas instead of hiking shoes.  I really didn't think we'd get off the boardwalk.  When I thought I couldn't go over another rock, I looked to my left and this is what I saw.

When I looked down, though, THIS is what I saw.  Is that a black widow?  It sure looked cool.

We missed the height of wild flower season.  There were still some flowers blooming as the elevation increased, though.  These flowers were so sheer that I could see through the petals.

Here's the boy in his Brett Favre jersey.  He announced yesterday that he is no longer a Packer's fan.  Now the NY Jets are his team.  This photo was taken about 45 seconds before he fell in the water up to his chest.  This lake was our reward for making it to the top of the trail.  A storm was blowing in and the wind was whipping.  The temperature dropped about 25 degrees and Harrison was freezing the entire mile down the mountain because he was soaking wet.

Found this old sign.  We loved that some handy man probably put it up with whatever screws he had in his tool belt.  No two are alike.

We made it to the bottom without getting rained on, without breaking any bones, and without any whining.  I love that the kids are getting acclimated to this kind of outing.  

Best part?  It's free entertainment.  

One little step for the cleanse, one giant step for the frig

The clutter around here seems worse, than in other homes, possibly due to the fact that our house is pretty small.  We have a finished basement, but tend to spend all of our time upstairs in two rooms - the kitchen and the living room.  

One day I was annoyed by the amount of crap on the refrigerator.  I'm all for saving the kids artwork, but it was getting out of hand.  I wanted to throw it all out, but I also wanted the kids to feel like we revered their craft and art projects.  My mom never let us put stuff on the frig, so I tried to come up with a compromise.  What I discovered was magnetic paint.  

I decided to paint a wall at the end of the kitchen with this paint and transfer some of the artwork, etc over to that wall.

Here's what I used:  painter's tape, "Nail Hole Patch" for the nail holes in the wall, a foam roller so that the paint rolls on super smooth, a paint brush for the edges, a paint tray (which I covered in foil to avoid a bigger mess), and a can of magnetic paint.  This stuff is crazy.  That little can weighs about 5 pounds - okay maybe three, but whatever it is - it is really heavy.  Oh - and the paint stirrer is really necessary.  The paint doesn't present in a typical manner.  It is really watery on top, when you first open the can, and then it is really thick on the bottom.  It took me about 5-7 minutes to thoroughly mix the paint.

Here is the wall I chose.  This picture as taken after I taped and patched the holes.  I ended up extending the tape to the ceiling so that the line was straight and crisp.  

This is a picture of the wall after it was painted.  The can suggests you put three thin layers on to make it more magnetic.  I was glad that the space I covered was relatively small.  On the left of the picture you can see some of the mess that was on my frig.

And here is the final "after" shot.  The magnetism isn't as strong as the frig, but I still like it so much better.  I found that lighter magnets worked much better - and heavier objects can't be hung at all.  

I like it.  It's different, that's for sure.

Still cleansing

We have a garage that families from blocks around covet.  It is a oversized two-car with stairs in the back that lead to an attic/studio room.  The room has subfloor, drywall, ceiling fans and lights.  I have had dreams of it becoming my photography studio since I laid my eyes on it, but alas it has become a storage unit.  As we finish the unfinished parts of our basement, we are slowly squeezing out all the inside storage space that we have.  Of course the attic isn't large enough to store everything, so we put the rest in the large two-car bay area.  

Now it's full, and we park our cars in the driveway.  All year round.  In an effort to get at least one car in the garage, and to get rid of stuff in the name of cleansing, I found this steamer trunk.  I picked it up from a neighbor's garage sale back in Green Bay before we moved.  I probably paid $10 for it and was sure it was going to be a beautiful addition to our 1895 Victorian.  I couldn't really find a great place for it in that house, so I dragged it across the country to this house.  Half the size and not Victorian.  Not sure what I was thinking.  

So here I am.  Ready to sell it on Craigslist.  Prices on ebay go anywhere from $100 to $850 (when they are restored).  What do you think I could get for it?

Harrison fell off a swing tonight at the park because he was standing on it being reckless.  My big boy, who doesn't want to be called "baby" anymore, came running to me and wrapped his little arms all the way around my waist, shaking with tears streaming down his face.  I instinctively knew how to comfort him and within a minute or two he was running back to play with his sister.

When a person is hurting emotionally, I can't hug away the pain.  Watching a person you love, in pain, has got to be one of the hardest things to experience.  I can offer my ear, my shoulder, or a bottle of his favorite beer, but none of these can fix what is broken.

Not having control over life, and it's events, can be awful.  However, I also know that things usually happen the way they are supposed to.  I will try to hang onto that thought.

It's been so hot!

Our house is all brick and heats up like an oven.  We are learning, finally, how to get the most out of our air conditioning.  We have an elaborate process that involves fans, opening windows until a certain time of day while leaving the air on, opening windows without the a/c on, and closing blinds and shutters.  Our house is pretty dark in the front rooms as it is.  Dark paint and northern exposure.  When we close the shutters I find it almost claustrophobic.  However, I will do what I have to do to stay relatively cool.

Last week we decided to dance.  Each of us picked a CD to play and then we partied.

Unemployment sucks

Harrison's birthday party last Saturday (only two months late) at a rock climbing gym

I have had some time to focus on myself the last two days while the kids have been in day camps.  I've spent the time looking for work.  What an arduous, awful job.  One thing that's different, since the last time I did this, is the "open" job postings.  They list a great job - something that I feel I'd be really good at - and then when I make an inquiry call, I'm told the same thing.  The company or college doesn't have an opening at this time, but they like to collect resumes for the future.  Just in case.  It kind of reminds me of a false ad - you go into the store to get the item that is advertised on sale, but find out that they don't have that model. 

I still want to explore working from the house.  Possibly try to sell photos or something.  Ella suggested that we decorate foam frames (like these) and fill them with "pretty pictures."  I'm sure we could make a couple bucks (selling to family and friends), but I doubt it would pay the mortgage.  I have high hopes for starting anew, but I think I need to explore the "work from home" ideas I have in the evening, AFTER a consistent-paying day job.

That leads to the whole idea of giving up.  I feel if I get a "regular" full time job, I won't seriously work at pushing myself to start my own business.  Why does it have to be that way?  I think it's because I don't feel comfortable changing the entire lifestyle for the rest of my family just so that I can fulfill a dream.  

It's that female guilt thing. 

Help wanted

I just mentioned to a friend the other day that I believe I attract chaos.  Like a magnet.  However, I don't feel overly anxious about any one thing more than the other.  I think that I have always attracted chaos and this is just the way life is meant to be lived for me.

One thing I do contemplate often, though, is how to stop this madness.  I wonder, though, if I really have more than anyone else, or if I just notice it more than others.  I heard this morning that the minimum wage went up making a person's yearly salary, at this wage, $13 thousand and some change.  That is about two thousand below the poverty level.  When I compare my life to a single mother making minimum wage, I know I have nothing to complain about.  But I write for myself, so I'll complain.

My nesting cleanse is not going so well.  I was cleaning like a mad woman for awhile, but then it all came to a screeching halt while I was in Minnesota and San Francisco.  I now have the old feelings of laziness.   I don't want to clean or organized.  I think it's similar to getting to the gym for others.  The desire comes and goes in waves.  I'm in low tide - I hate the disorganized state of the house, but can't figure out how to get my beached ass off the sand.

Face it.  I've been living in a dream world since I left my job in May.  I've had free days and fun nights for quite some time now.  This "not working" gig is pretty great, but reality has hit.  I need a job.  A great job that will allow me to work from home.  I want to be home for the kids and our family.  Two full-time working parents were no good for our children.  Neither Chris nor me are any good at switching gears at the end of the day so that we can be a great parent and cook.  We are more likely to come home, grab a beer and chips, and then open the door to the pantry and stare.  Soon it's 7 PM and we're throwing hotdogs in the microwave again.  All beef, but still hotdogs.  I want to do more with all the opportunities I've been exposed to on the internet.  With my writing or my photography.  That will involve taking risks.  Not monetarily necessarily, but self-esteem wise.  I need to stop beating myself up and find the confidence in my creativity somewhere in myself.  It's now or never.

A colleague and friend I worked with last year, Nicole, lent me a great book on this very topic.  One of the quotes that made a lasting impact on me came from the first chapter, "We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic."  This can be interpreted in many ways, but I tied it directly to my outlook on a future as a photographer.  My self talk in general is pretty awful, but when you ask me about my ability to succeed as a professional photographer - watch out.  The language becomes pretty foul.  I would never talk as poorly about anyone else (except G.W.) as I do myself.

Beyond my disgruntlement over my cleaning prowess, and my worry about my future career, I have other concerns.  Like the state of my yard and basement.  Remember the projects we started last year?  They're not done.  Not even close.  This goes back to the money discussion.  We've never had enough to do everything we want, but our priority has been travel this year.  Unfortunately, I never realized when perusing the Expedia site, how frustrated I would be 15 months later after we started our projects, staring at their unfinished state.  I want my kids to have a back yard.  I want a guest room and an extra bath.  We NEED a second bathroom.

It's hard to complain about this out loud, at home, because my husband is the "contractor" for all of these projects.  He's an extremely competent construction project manager by day, but can't seem to bring his amazing organizational strategies from his professional life into his home life.  Again, I can't complain.  Who wants to do all evening, and weekend, what they've been doing all week, but at some point I'm going to have a nervous breakdown about all of this. (Consider this a warning, Christopher)  I hate thinking about what the neighbors must think.  I don't like it that my kids know how to crawl up to the electrical panel to flip the breakers that turn on the basement lights.  I know it will all get done someday - I just want that day to come sooner rather than later.

This leads me to my kids.  Staying home all day with them has been trying this summer.  Vacationing with them was also hard because I was often single parenting.  Harrison and Ella have become so much easier, in so many ways, but the squabbling.  I cannot stand the squabbling, and then the subsequent tattling.  I wish I was set up like a tape player.  Whenever they are upset with each other, and want me to settle a dispute, I could direct them to push the "Play" button.  This would be the recording:  "You need to figure this out between the two of you."  Then I would hit the "Rewind" button so that the recording was all queued up for the next battle.

For the first time, in a very long time, I am completely in the dark about my future.  I have no idea what to expect.  I thought that I had a job opportunity that would solve all my problems, but it fell through for now.  I was devastated, but weirdly calm about it.  Maybe it's because the first two people I told were calm.  Chris said to me that it "...was just another bump in the road."  Nicole told me that she believed that it wasn't meant to be.  That something better suited for me was in my future.

I can live with these thoughts for a while longer, but soon I will need to know how to pay the mortgage.  For now, I'm going to forget all of this and go watch "Alvin and the Chipmunks" with my kids.  This will be their fourth time watching it this week. 

We believe in getting the most out of our rental movie dollar.

staying up late playing with photoshop

A sign in Chinatown, San Francisco

I feel like my life is permanently set to Fast Forward

A pretty door in Chinatown

The kids and Chris came to pick me up from the airport last night.  It was if I had gone from zero to 90 in about 3 seconds.  Both kids were talking over each other to tell me things.  Most of the conversation revolved around a movie they had watched twice since I'd been gone, "Alvin and the Chipmunks".  While they were talking over each other and AT me - Chris and I were trying to talk about our respective weekends.  It was impossible.

As we arrived home, all I could think about was eating a bit of dinner and then crawling into bed.  No - that was not on the agenda.  What did I do instead?  I watched "Alvin and the Chipmunks" while I ate popcorn.

The trip was amazing, but I'm thrilled to be home.  I have so much to think about and work on.  Going to conferences always do that to me.  They completely energize me.  I am trying to think of a way to work from home so that I can be here for the kids more.  I've got some ideas, but nothing that will probably help me make enough to cover the mortgage.

How much do they pay if you donate your plasma?

I'm off to BlogHer!

I will say "hi" to you, if you say "hi" to me!

A woman's allowed to change her mind

My parent's teak buffet - I LOVE IT

When my mom was first diagnosed with metastasized breast cancer back in 1998, I completely overreacted.  I believed that her diagnosis meant she would die within the year and I started freaking out.  One of the first things I fretted over was what I was going to do with all of her furniture and china (she had three full sets plus various specialty items).  Of course none of these thoughts included the fact that my dad was still alive and might want to stay in his home indefinitely.  She survived for eight years before the disease took her and my dad is still in the house I grew up in ten years later.   

Recently, he has been talking about one of his girlfriends a little more positively than the others.  He seems to really have a connection with her and the more I learn about the relationship, the more I think it is a good idea.  This woman lives in his golf community down in Florida during the winter, but lives in Indiana during the summer.  He is going to visit her there for a second time later this summer and can't stop talking about how much he likes where she lives in Indianapolis.  My intuition tells me that he'll be summering there next year.  I'm okay with that.  I think it would be great if he had someone to keep an eye on him, and someone who makes him so happy.

So - back to the furniture.  My brother and I were looking around the house and started "picking" things that we want when the house sells possibly sooner than later.  My brother asked me what I wanted and I was very particular.  "I want the Barcelona chairs and the orange side table that goes with them.  That's it."  Of course I then added to my list the dining room buffet, Dad's desk and a chrome lamp.  He was a bit surprised.  "What about the dresser downstairs?  That's yours."  "I've changed my mind.  I only want contemporary or retro stuff now.  No more antiques."  He was stunned.  I have ALWAYS wanted the heirlooms, the really old stuff.  He kept challenging me on it, and I would have questioned myself also had I not read Quantum Wellness during my cleanse.  I realized that the old and meaningful pieces that I have held onto, and used to be attracted to, were holding me back.  I can appreciate my past, and my heritage, without sitting on it!  

I love clean lines and simple style.  I want to live in a home that is uncluttered and calm.   We can't afford to replace the things I would like to get rid of, but I will continue to try to simplify.  

Thinking positively, this waiting period (until we win the lottery) will help me plan the perfect design for all of my rooms.

What else is there to do in the park...

...besides dancing an Irish jig on top of a hippo.

Girlfriends, and more girlfriends

The first thing my dad said to me, when he picked us up at the airport and I gave him a hug, was "wow, you're a lot bigger than P."  P is his "hottie"(his word, not mine) in Indiana.  He just got back from visiting her for a week a few days ago.  I felt the vomit creep into my mouth.  I ran around the car and got in the other side just to get away from him!  

Since we have been here (less than 24 hours), my dad has talked about P non-stop.  I am currently at a coffee shop so that I can high speed internet.  He asked me to research airline tickets to Indiana.  He drove on his last trip and is lucky to be alive as he dozed off somewhere in Wisconsin and sideswiped the guard rail.  He's 79 and we have all agreed that he will never travel that far again in a car.  Feeling jealous, I asked him when he was flying to Salt Lake.  He decided to combine it with a trip to P.  I guess I can handle equal status.

It has been pretty difficult to listen to all this talk about another woman, but I am slowly adjusting.  I have to keep things in perspective.  If she makes him happy, then that's great.

To top things off, my brother came by with his girlfriend, B, last night.  They make a cute couple.  I was internally critical, but am working on being less judgmental in general.  The cleanse and all.  

As we start our time here, we have so much to look forward to.  Spending time with the cousins, doing a lot of swimming and shopping, and just plain relaxing.  Tomorrow is my brother's birthday and we are going to the park where I watched fireworks as a kid.  

Life seems like one big circle.

Things are never dull

Grandma and Grandpa brought two of these large remote control cars for the kids.  Harry took his all around the block! 

My in-laws from Green Bay have been visiting for the past two weeks which means we've been eating lots of lots of food cooked on a grill, and the kids have had at least 100 ice cream cones.

Things are heating up between B's mother and my husband regarding B's behavior and future living arrangements.  I won't divulge, but it is sad and tumultuous.  One of those topics that is brought up multiple times a day and is never pleasant.

I'm still cleaning and cleansing.  The basement play room is clean - this was a large accomplishment.  And just as I had the upstairs living areas looking kind of decent, Harrison decided that he wanted to rearrange the furniture.  Far be it for me to stop that kind of creativity...that's what I get for pushing any program on HGTV.

Tomorrow we head to Minneapolis.  All the suitcases are out, but only one of them has a few items in it.  I know what I want to bring, but I never seem to be able to pack ahead of time.  My dad called last night to get details about our flight arrival and told me about his trip to Indiana last week.  He went to visit Girlfriend number 3.  A week in Indianapolis at her house.  Yuck.  Not for him, for me.  He went on and on about what a fantastic week he had.  He really enjoys this woman.  I'm happy for him.  Really.  But COME ON!!!  I'm his daughter - how much of this gushy stuff can I handle?  I think it's especially hard because he didn't gush about my mom.  They both admitted to me right before her death that they didn't have the greatest marriage.  It was a really bad time.  

Thinking positively, I still look younger than my baby brother who I'll be visiting and I will get a 13 day reprieve from cleansing my house!

P.S.  Went to my trainer today and she told me that she  bought Quantum Wellness (on my recommendation) and has been cleansing for NINE days.  Is she sick?  Of course not.  Her husband is doing it with her.  Is he sick?  Not a chance.  Am I jealous?  Yes.

We played all day

All four of us are heading out Wednesday to visit my dad and brother in Minneapolis.  I am so looking forward to getting there.  I absolutely love the Twin Cities in the summer.  We head down to Lake Harriet most mornings to run on the path, or we just skip the exercise and get coffee and pastries in Linden Hills.  

I love that we will get to spend time with my family, but I don't know how I'll handle the "new" Glenn.  My dad is quite the swinger these days.  He's dating about four women.  They are spread all over the country.  I know it's all innocent, he's mainly looking for companionship, but now some of these women are becoming fixtures.  I may even have to meet two of them this visit.  That kind of bugs me.  I'm sure neither, I will believe, will be good enough.  Also, my bachelor brother has recently met a woman and she has already moved in.  I'm truly happy for him, but again - meeting her will be weird.  I'm not sure why.  It might be that I'm not able to accept the change.  After mom died, the two of them truly relied on me.  I am thankful to relinquish the responsibility, but kind of regret letting it go at the same time.

Due to our trip to Florida, and now this trip and various camps and sports the kids are in, I didn't get a membership to the pool.  Harry and Ella really seem to miss swimming, so when my brother-in-law invited us to his in-law's pool for a BBQ, we jumped at the opportunity.  I absolutely love taking photos at times like this as I get to really sit back and watch my family have a ball.