Thursday, July 03, 2008

Girlfriends, and more girlfriends

The first thing my dad said to me, when he picked us up at the airport and I gave him a hug, was "wow, you're a lot bigger than P."  P is his "hottie"(his word, not mine) in Indiana.  He just got back from visiting her for a week a few days ago.  I felt the vomit creep into my mouth.  I ran around the car and got in the other side just to get away from him!  

Since we have been here (less than 24 hours), my dad has talked about P non-stop.  I am currently at a coffee shop so that I can high speed internet.  He asked me to research airline tickets to Indiana.  He drove on his last trip and is lucky to be alive as he dozed off somewhere in Wisconsin and sideswiped the guard rail.  He's 79 and we have all agreed that he will never travel that far again in a car.  Feeling jealous, I asked him when he was flying to Salt Lake.  He decided to combine it with a trip to P.  I guess I can handle equal status.

It has been pretty difficult to listen to all this talk about another woman, but I am slowly adjusting.  I have to keep things in perspective.  If she makes him happy, then that's great.

To top things off, my brother came by with his girlfriend, B, last night.  They make a cute couple.  I was internally critical, but am working on being less judgmental in general.  The cleanse and all.  

As we start our time here, we have so much to look forward to.  Spending time with the cousins, doing a lot of swimming and shopping, and just plain relaxing.  Tomorrow is my brother's birthday and we are going to the park where I watched fireworks as a kid.  

Life seems like one big circle.


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Carol, i know it is difficult to think, hear, see, or whatever about your dad and his "hotties". After being married for so long, he is not used to being alone.

I know you said previously that their marriage wasn't the best...but i am sure at one time it was great...and despite it not being "good", they loved each other and needed each other.

You are his baby...no matter what...and no one will ever replace you or your mother in his heart.

Melissa

Mom said...

Carol, my mom was the caregiver in the marriage. My dad was sick for the last 10 years of his life. They bickered a lot. My dad's illness kept them from flying and doing anything fun. My dad passed away in 2005 and my mom has traveled quite a bit to see all of us because we live all over the US. Last time I saw her, in February, she admitted that she is really lonely and nights are the hardest. I think your dad is lonely and just wants companionship. As our parents just want to see their children happy, I just want my mom to be happy for the rest on the time she is here on earth. She deserves it because she gave up a lot to care for my dad. It's hard, I can be sure for you but give him your support and hope that he has someone in his life besides his children to spend time with.

Lauri said...

It is very hard to deal with Dad having girlfriends after Mom's death. My 67 year old dad is currently dating a woman who is my age (45), doesn't speak English (Dad doesn't speak her language - Spanish - either) and who isn't a legal citizen of the US. I've been as quiet as I can be about it (dad would say not very quiet), but now I hear she wants to get married and bring her 14 year old girl with a drug problem to move in to my father's house.

His grandchildren live 5 minutes away and he has no time for them - didn't even see his grandson on his birthday and chose the girlfriend's family over us on father's day. Believe it or not, we used to be very, very close...he simply breaks my heart...

I guess the point of this never ending diatribe (sorry) is that it is very hard, but at least he's talking about her in what seems to be an honest way. Don't be afraid, however, to lovingly tell him when he crosses a line - such as comparing the GF to mom in a personal way or pushing the relationship on you too hard...you have a right to take your time to adjust...sounds like you are doing everything you can to treat him with respect and love - what an awesome example you set...

I've about reached my limit with my dad. I know you can find the balance that will let you love him and honestly be happy for him without compromising your feelings. I'm pulling for you...

Karen said...

I think you are doing a great job a coping with these issues' You heart is in the right place (if they are happy) and that's the best thing. have a great trip

Anonymous said...

As disturbing as the thought of a parent dating is, the flip side would be the guilt load acquired if he were telling you how lonely and miserable he is.

Which is worse, listening to dad share his fun, or his misery?

Suburban Turmoil said...

Yipe. It's never a good thing to hear the word "hottie" come out of your father's mouth, no matter your age!

Sounds like you're handling it all quite well, though, Carol, as usual. :)

Mama Goose said...

My mother passed away 3 years ago and I'm in now the same boat with my stepfather. I actually will be meeting his "hottie" this weekend. I'm tense and nauseous already. I'm not sure I'll ever be okay with it, but I keep telling myself that he deserves to be happy. No one should spend their life alone. I hope you are able to find peace.