Higher highs and lower lows

Her face says it all.  She was full of so many emotions today - she couldn't contain herself.  She laughed, screamed and danced.  We made purses, played "Pin the wand on Tinkerbell", decorated cupcakes and hit a Purse pinata.  

Unfortunately, about 15 minutes before the party started I received a certified letter from my school.  I was "pink slipped" - or I think the correct word is "fired".  As a provisional employee (within three years of employment) the district can let me go without reason.  I was naturally blown away.  This came out of left field.  No phone call - no sit down conversation - a LETTER!  I suspected that I was not my principal's favorite person, but I NEVER believed that she would let that get in the way of our work.  I am a good counselor.  I have not received a negative review - in fact they were supposed to review me twice this year, but never did.  I was never reprimanded or "talked to" about my performance - good or bad.  

As the reality sunk in, I started to freak out.  I actually broke down and started crying and shaking.  Chris didn't know what to do until I yelled, "Go clean the bathroom floor - they'll be here any minute!"  And then he made me a strong rum and coke - I didn't think a valium was appropriate. 

After watching the joy that Ella experienced today, I was able to contain myself a bit and am slowly regaining composure about this situation.  I needed to stay calm for her sake.

After the party, I emailed the attorney on staff with my union.  What do they say in the commercials - wrongful termination?  We'll see what he thinks.  Luckily I have a week to mull this over.  This upcoming week is Spring Break.  At this point, I'm feeling so humiliated I don't think I can face anyone back at school.

California - here I come.

The big day finally arrived - she's six!

I forgot to leave a note on the counter for her.  I just left for work as if it were any other day.  I know what it's like to enjoy a birthday - I still love my birthday, but pretend I don't care now that I'm an adult.  Ella must have gotten her birthday obsessiveness from me.  

I had major working-mom-guilt around 10:00 AM, so I decided to call her school and see if they would let me talk to her.  The front office secretaries are not known for their graciousness, but I pleaded my case and I was patched right in.  

"Happy Birthday honey!"

"Hi, Mama"

"Are you having a great day?"

"Yes.  Guess what?  Lucy asked me to be her partner for centers and Erin asked for me to go to the office with her."

"Because it's your birthday?"

"Yeah.  And a lot of people are saying "Happy Birthday" to me."

I don't think it gets much better than that.

C.J.

We babysat my nephew last week for a few hours.  Chris took Harrison to the Jazz basketball game, so it was up to Ella and me to entertain him.  

We did fine for awhile, but ran out of ideas pretty quickly.  It was time for Ella to take a bath, so I pulled CJ in with us while I ran the water.  He went to the water like a magnet.  I had to strip him down and he just leaned up against the side of the tub and splashed in the water for about 30 minutes until his parents came.  The funniest part was when he would start to slip backwards...his feet were on the bath mat, and since he can't walk yet, he would slowly slip back until his chin was practically propped on the side of the tub.  I would grab him - pull him back up - and the process would continue.

I love her to death, but GAWD she's a lot of work!

Ella's birthday is on Thursday.  Her party is this weekend.  It's hard to believe that it's almost here.  You have to understand...Ella's birthday is a major event around our home.  She has been planning her birthday since last summer.  She plays "birthday party" as often as other kids play "house".  She's had an invite list for her party taped to her bunk bed for months.  The theme for her party has changed at least 20 times.  Finally, after months and months of planning and contemplating, she decided that she wanted to have it at the house.

Great.

If you know me personally, then you know how stressed this decision makes me.  My house is not a castle - hell, it's not even as large or nice as the foyer of a castle.  The idea of lots of screaming little girls inside my house for two hours pretty much makes my skin crawl.  Cleaning, in preparation for this event, makes me even happier.  My absolute favorite part of all of this?  Planning the crafts and games for the party!  (that was sarcasm)  I am so uncomfortable with projects and Ella has requested that we make purses.  

Sure.  I'm on it.

So far, we have purchased one pinata (in the shape of a purse), handed out invitations and bought all the materials to make purses (and one picture frame for the male guest on her list).  All I have left to do is clean, make cupcakes, buy icing/decorations for aforementioned cupcakes (she wants to decorate the cupcakes as a group), finish shopping for her presents, fill the pinata (did you know they didn't come filled?) and make one purse to make sure it works.  I'll be working all week, and need to pack for the trip I'm taking on Sunday, but I'm sure I'll squeeze everything in with ease.  

That's just the kind of gal I am.

Just when you think they never change

Now

Then

Ellastyle - Easter

Classic

We were walking back to the car after the University of Utah gymnastics meet tonight, and since the walk was about 15 miles, I had plenty of time to look at Harrison's coat.  He's worn the same coat for two years.  I spent more than I wanted (about $54) on a ski jacket at the Patagonia outlet.  I mentioned to Chris how nice it was wearing, and that it still fit, blah, blah, blah.  

Harry, who was running all around us - never on the sidewalk near us - ran up next to me and said, "It's because I don't eat my carrots."

Florida pics

When we first arrived and walked into my dad's condo, I noticed a large "something" across the pond out his back door.  I joked that it was an alligator assuming it was a log.  Of course logs don't just fall onto golf courses from palm trees, so we looked closer.  It was indeed an alligator that was about 8 - 9 feet long.
Ella definitely has gotten over her fears of swimming independently.

Harry - my wonderful boy who still refuses to pose for any and all pictures - was much too busy collecting each of the 70 billion "noodles" that were all over the pool.

Not the best shot, but I wanted to capture this moment.  The day after we arrived, February 18th, was my mom's birthday.  We decided to celebrate anyway.  Ella decorated the condo with streamers and balloons (which my dad didn't seem to mind for a minute) and then we bought cupcakes, candles and even sang.  It was pretty sweet.

Ella style.  This was what she chose to wear to our first dinner at my dad's clubhouse.  I just told her that we needed to dress up a bit.  She loves to pose!

Here is a close up of the alligator.  I may have learned how to post photos, but I do not know how to arrange them in a chosen order yet!

I just learned!

expect greatness

I did it.  I signed up for a training class at the Apple store for tomorrow night.  I don't know diddly about this new laptop toy of mine, so Chris got me a "One on One" membership which allows me to get trained on any and everything MacBook Pro for one year.  Tomorrow, I will learn how to organize my photos.  That's what they're calling the session...I'll just ask for help setting up Flickr or something similar so that I can post photos here.  

After my training session, on my uber expensive non-necessary computer, I'll be taking 100 blankets to a homeless shelter with about 15 of my students.  We are going to do crafts with the children that are there for an hour.  I bought, with our club funds raised from bake sales, etc., THREE HUNDRED yards of fleece.  I have been tying knots for the last month.  We are making 200 total.  We are giving the other 100 to a domestic shelter located near our school and to Project Linus which gives homemade blankets to children in the hospital.

The dichotomy of the two events I'm attending after work seem almost surreal.  Most of the students that are going tomorrow night are from wealthy families.  I hope they gain from this experience and don't just log it into their community service hour tallies without thought.  I wish I could bring my kids, but they discourage bringing young children to these activity nights. 

I have a constant fear that my kids will become unappreciative and materialistic.  I make it something I work on with them all the time.  

Parenting - if it's not one thing - it's another.

Job Satisfaction

I was in the classroom quite a bit last week co-teaching a unit on Body Image and Disordered Eating with the Health teacher.  I'm absolutely fascinated with the topic (is that weird?) and have been for quite awhile.  I did my thesis in grad school on body image and body dysmorphia (abnormal dissatisfaction with a real or imagined physical defect) back in 1991 after struggling with these issues for about nine years at that time.  Now, seventeen years later, I still read everything I can about these topics.  I think I'm always looking for validation that my obsession with food and exercise is not abnormal.  That I'm not "disordered".  I am also intrigued by shows/books/articles that deal with nutrition, exercise and dieting.  My weight has fluctuated immensely over the last 26 years.  I've gone from as high as a size 16 down to a size 4 and everything in between.  I settled around a comfortable size 8/10 for many years, but still wistfully wished for a smaller body.

When I showed up for the first day of work this fall, and was introduced to the staff at my new school, I was amazed at how healthy and thin most of the teachers were.  This hadn't been my experience in previous schools.  It immediately made me a bit self-conscious and set me into a bit of a tailspin.  When we were teaching the kids about this concept, we referred to it as "measuring up to a yardstick" and asked the kids what they used as their yardstick.  The yardstick in Wisconsin was a lot easier to compare myself to.  Since I had been working out in the mornings for the last two and a half years, I was pretty uncomfortable having to give that up.  I leave at 6:25 AM each weekday and I have a rule - I will not rise to an alarm clock that is set before 5:00 AM (unless I'm catching a plane to somewhere wonderful).  I have never enjoyed, nor been consistent, when working out after work.  I knew, though, that afternoon exercise would be my only option if I wanted to continue eating.  About mid-August, I started Weight Watchers AGAIN.  I thin this was my third or fourth serious attempt.  After the first time, I have yet to go back to the meetings.  I have the "tools" to calculate my points and I know the drill.  Write everything down, eat a lot of fiber, save your flex points for weekends so you can drink once in a while, and get used to eating lots of vegetables.

It worked.  By Christmas I had lost 22 pounds.  I've kept it off for two months (a definite feat for me) and plan to keep it off for much longer.  I feel much better about myself at this weight, so I think it's in my best interest mentally, as well as, physically.

So back to my teaching.  We tried to include the boys in the discussion so that they wouldn't tune out.  We talked about the increase in men seeking plastic surgery, the number of males with eating disorder and other uniqueness of this topic with regard to men.  Then we delved into body image and disordered eating.  After that we specific eating disorders and I scared the hell out of them (I hope) with harsh information about the physical repercussions from eating disorders.  They listened closely.  Some seemed concerned, some just couldn't comprehend how someone could feel the way eating-disordered people feel and some thought the topic was dumb and tuned me out.  This is typical to most lessons I teach.  You get a thick skin in this business and just do your best to enlighten the kids who are willing to learn.

I wonder when I'll grab some of that enlightenment on this subject?  

More from paradise

I still don't know how to post pictures.  I didn't have time to call my consultant as I was too busy finding a hotel room in Charlotte, NC and a rental car in Fort Lauderdale.  Why?  Why would I be wasting vacation time on this when I have the breeze blowing the palm trees around me?  Because my husband was stuck in Cincinnati in an ice storm.  He missed his connection to Fort Myers by approximately 6 minutes.  They told him he couldn't get out of Charlotte until tonight so he found a flight to Fort Lauderdale.  After all the work he's been doing since we've arrived, I think he'll have about 30 hours of fun before he has to get back on another plane to go home.  If he says, "I never should have come, " one more time, I think I'll strangle him.  

I plan to make these 30 hours as fun as they can be.  We're going to the beach (he never did get there the other day), we're drinking lots of alcohol and we're taking a catamaran ride with Jonna and her husband (I hope - if I can get them away from their packing!)  Met up with Jonna yesterday for lunch.  She was subjected to my kids whining about being bored and my dad crooning about John McCain.  It was quite fascinating for her, I'm sure.  With all these other "people" around, I really didn't get to talk to her.  

The gang, sans Jonna, headed to the beach and I had to listen to my dad go on and on about how wonderful she is.  "She is so nice.  So level headed and confident.  You can tell she has a good head on her shoulders.  Where is she from again?  How do you say her name again?  Did I tell you she's so NICE."

Forget it Dad, she's already married.

They're closing the joint around me

Here I am again, sitting in the lobby of the clubhouse, and I'm the last one here.  Once they clean up the dinner dishes, I'm sure they'll kick me out. 

Just tried to upload Picasa and realized that it isn't possible.  Jon, my loyal and dear friend, was SOOOOO excited to help me set up my Mac before we left on our trip.  He can do this stuff in his sleep.  Unfortunately, I can't.  I know he showed me how to publish photos, but I can't figure it out and it doesn't help that I'm in a hurry.

Chris worked again all day, but joined us for lunch with my aunt and her husband.  My mom's sister looks a lot like her and even was carrying one of her old purses.  She doesn't remember that and I didn't say anything.  I warned the kids (who couldn't quite remember her) that she looked a lot like Oma (my mom), but they seemed fine with that.  After a long lunch in the clubhouse dining room, surrounded by gaggles of cackling women who had just played 18, Harry was about to explode.  "C'mon.  LET'S GO, " he kept saying.  My dad suggested miniature golf since the weather was cool and windy after a rain storm this morning.  It was really fun.  The kids do not understand the fine art of putting - and my dad gave up coaching them around hole 13.  Ella was so funny - she was all proud that she got the highest score.  I didn't have the heart to correct her.

Tomorrow we head to the beach.  The kids have raided my dad's garage for all the beach gear.  Harrison even has a ton of army guys and tanks to set up in the sand.  Chris has promised to stop working and join us.  Then he leaves for Cincinnati in the afternoon.  It's only a day, but I know we'll miss him.  

I'll call Jon tomorrow and figure out how to post pictures.  I'm sure he'll love coaching me over the phone!

Today is my mom's birthday, but I'm really ok

I have a searing headache, but I'm not about to complain.  It's a sinus issue - I can tell.  It's because my head has no idea what I've done to it.  It is used to high altitudes with zero humidity and cold temps.  I am currently sitting at sea level, temperature about 79 degrees and humidity is about 90%.  We are in Florida visiting my dad.  The weather is beautiful, but I could do without all the sweating.  The drinks even sweat.  I worked out this morning and actually dripped on the floor.  YUCK.  I felt like all the old people surrounding me were staring and thinking - What the hell is wrong with her??

The kids have been so excited to get here.  We started packing about a week before we left.  They haven't been here for two years, so it is so fun to be back with them.  Last night, after we got in, we were so exhausted we barely could stay awake for dinner - pizza, Aurellio's in Naples, perfect.  Today we went to the pool twice and threw a trip to the grocery store in between.  My dad is definitely a bachelor.  His frig is full of lots of condiments, year-old salad dressing, a head of lettuce and some tonic.  The freezer has two half gallons of ice cream and 6 pork loins.   I didn't think my kids would enjoy a Tanqueray and tonic sundae - so we bought some supplies.  $115 worth.  It's still cheaper than eating out three meals a day while on vacation.

Tomorrow we'll probably head down to the beach, however I don't really want to bring the kids alone.  Chris, unfortunately, has so much work to do this week that he can't socialize with us at all.  He even has to fly to Cincinnati Wednesday night for 24 hours.  I'm looking forward to Friday, when we'll be able to play as a family.  I also think I'll be screaming for back up.  My dad is not a great help with the kids...he is pretty critical and really has no idea how to grandparent.  Hell - he never knew how to parent, so I don't know why I'm at all surprised.

On a different note, I have HUGE news.  My wonderful and thoughtful husband gave me an incredible gift for Valentine's.  I received a MacBook Pro laptop.  He handed it to me and said - "I just wanted you to finally have your own space - and I want you to take more pictures."  It took me a day to get over the shock of how much money was spent, but now I really can't get over how sweet his sentiment was.  He really has noticed that by not having my own computer, my creativity has been stifled.  I have already taken a ton of pictures since we've been here, but I forgot to bring my card reader with me tonight.  Chris and I are up at the clubhouse of my dad's gated community.  It's couples bridge night, but Chris and I managed to sneak through the tables and get a drink from the bartender.  We are sitting in  the lobby where we can surf.  No wi-fi at my dad's condo.  I'll post some pictures tomorrow.  

I hope having this incredible machine will rekindle my desire to post more frequently.

It's so pretty - how could it not??

Forced slow down

The snow is whipping around horizontally out the window of the chalet. The ski instructors have promised not to take the kids up too high. The winds are gusting to 80 mph up at 8,000 ft. I just went and bought the kids gaiters that cover every inch of their faces. The inside of Harrison’s coat is damp, but not the outside. I don’t know why. Ella’s cheeks are bright red and one of them looks like it might have the beginnings of frostbite.

Harrison has buddied up with his instructor. The other three boys in his ski class all know each other through a previous connection. I told him to talk to the girls – they’re usually better conversationalists. Ella came to the lunch table with a friend. They already seem inseparable. This girl is also in Kindergarten and knows two of Ella’s friends. The other twelve classmates (a doubled-up class) are boys.

Chris and I have holed up in a corner. We have a newspaper, a couple of books and a spiral notebook. We have spent the morning planning our future home improvements even though we should just concentrate on the things undone. The bathroom addition is still incomplete, as is the new office/bedroom, the mammoth deck with outdoor kitchen and fireplace, and the fence. We found out the hard way that adding porches, etc. cost much more than we expected. We wanted to hire everything out, but it became unfeasible. Chris worked on the indoor projects this fall and winter when he had time, but now has use of only one arm. For 12 weeks. We will be on hold until April probably.

This will be our routine for the next seven weekends. I will ski a couple of the Sundays, but I don’t really enjoy skiing alone for long periods. Chris, of course, can’t do any of our favorite winter activities. I guess I’ll have to step it up and become Fun Mommy. Chris has always been Fun Daddy. He takes them sledding and builds forts with them. He plays “Sorry” for hours – and always tries to let Ella win at least a couple of times. I was talking to him about why they clamor to hold his hand when we’re walking in parking lots, or why they beg to sit next to Daddy in restaurant booths – I was asking why he was the “favorite”. He bluntly told me that I should start doing things with them.

As hard as this is to swallow – I am guilty as charged. I will be more than happy to set up the craft materials for them, but rarely stay too long at the table to participate. When we rent “kid” movies, I always retreat to the computer or go clean something. Chris loves to snuggle between the two and giggle at everything. Kid movies aren’t usually my cup of tea – even when I was a kid. I need to start giving them a chance.

I think these day-long “dates” in the chalet, waiting for the kids during their lessons, will be great for our marriage. The last time we had this much time to talk, without distractions, was last summer when we drove to California. I love to plan our future – and that is usually what we discuss when we know we have time. We talk about bills, financial planning for retirement, our families, the house and sometimes we even talk about fun stuff – like vacations.

Anyone want to meet us in Disneyland? We’re thinking the summer of 2009.

Piece of cake

Ella was invited to a rock-climbing-themed birthday party last weekend. She's five. What happened to pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey?

She was a bit nervous as this was her first time on a wall that didn't have a slide or monkey bars next to it. As you can see, she did great. Most of the girls went twice and then started to get antsy. They wanted to have the cake and ice cream. Not Elle - she kept jumping to the back of the line as soon as she was unhooked from her rope. I was thrilled that she took to it, as was Chris, but now we're worried she'll actually like it so much, she'll pursue rock climbing as a sport. That kind of stuff happens around here. I know people who have saved people from avalanches. I know a former member of the US luge team. I worked with a woman who's husband is the head of the US Snowboard team. It's the land of extreme sports. Our friend's second grader is already ski racing.

We want the kids to be active and well rounded, but I don't think we will push them into some of the activities that seem so commonplace around here. It's a fine line. For example, we had the kids in a gymnastics program last year that a neighbor was in. I signed up so that we could carpool if needed. It seemed fine until I noticed the level of stress among some of the older gymnasts. I learned that many of the pre-teens were training 20 plus hours a week. The gym was run by a former Olympian. It all came clear when Harry's teacher got into a power struggle with him and refused to assist him on an apparatus. I could see the tears welling in Harrison's eyes as he struggled to complete the exercise. He tried and tried - all he needed was a spot - but the teacher ignored him. We never went back. Now we're at a different program - also recommended by neighbors/friends. It's much more low key. Why then, did I question if it was "good enough" for the kids? It's crazy - they're so little.

Sundays they start another round of ski lessons. Their first all day lessons. I hope it's not a mistake to send them "away" for six hours during one of our precious "family" days, as the kids call them. I'm pretty sure they'll love it. They thoroughly enjoy skiing - I'm just not sure if they'll have the stamina for seven weeks. Live and learn.

P.S. Chris is doing well. He had surgery on a torn rotator cuff in his shoulder. Percoset didn't like him - or vice versa, but now it's been a few days and the pain is starting to get more reasonable. He's a trooper - rarely complains.

Do you think it's terrible that I'm surfing for flights to Palm Springs while Chris is currently having shoulder surgery?

Who moved my cheese?

This is the little daughter of a family who joined us at the last minute for Thanksgiving. Her parents moved to Madison, WI from Utah about 10 months ago. This picture proves that Packer loyalty starts fast and young. Ella is trying to tempt her with a typical baby toy, but she will not give up her cheesehead.

I guess I should have known that life would be a tad different when I married a Green Bay, WI native. You see, they have this thing about football. It consumes them. Even the people who claim not to get "into it" too much, still have a loyalty to the Green Bay Packers that seems to be unlike any other sports franchise fan.

My husband claims to be one of these low-key fans, the type of guy who watches occasionally and doesn't "really" care, yet he is currently not spending this lovely Sunday morning with his children and his wife. No, he's nursing a hangover back in Green Bay. He spent yesterday in a cold stadium, with the snow falling hard, in the middle of January to watch a football game. (I guess they won a big playoff game.) He, and his two brothers who live here, and a neighbor, and a guy and his wife Chris met through work, AND a friend they picked up on their layover in Denver all trekked back to the midwest for this.

I secretly am jealous that I'm not a part of the Packer cult, but would never admit that in front of my in-laws. They think I'm Purple and Gold through and through. The rivalry has been going on for so long, I just don't want to stop the fun.

I'm making due this weekend, though. The kids and I were invited for dinner, at friend's, on Friday night. Yesterday we entertained the wife and daughter of the neighbor who also went on the trip. We tried to show our loyalty to the lovely state of Wisconsin by consuming some beer. It was difficult, but we muddled through. Today we're skiing and dining with friend's again. He'll be home tomorrow night -so I guess I can handle it! In fact, I'm really glad he's having fun. It's amazing how people, and marriages, mature if you wait long enough. If he had left for this trip five years ago, I would have been resentful the whole time that I was "alone" with the kids. Now I'm genuinely glad that he's with family and enjoying himself.

I'm so great.

New Year's Day

Chris and I have been getting along really well for the last month or so. Little, to no, arguing or squabbling. Lots of smiling. It's actually kind of weird. He even took the kids sledding so I could take a nap.

Christmas was amazing. I think it was one of the best I've ever celebrated. The kids were SO excited - their anticipation was extremely contagious.

I hosted a great New Year's Eve party with my close friend - at her house - and it was very successful. Better than expected. We asked everyone to wear "cocktail attire" so I could wear my black dress. Some did - some didn't, but it didn't matter. The liquor flowed, the food was overly abundant and everyone enjoyed themselves.

I have a few more days of my break. I'm not looking forward to going back, but know I'll be fine once I get back into the routine.

Happy 2008!