Friday, January 06, 2006

long week

My stress level is still high. Week one back at work is over, though. It was harder in some ways and easier in others. Some of my students have been amazing. I received flowers, cards and hugs. I have a renewed faith in America’s youth.

The house needs so much attention and neither Chris nor I have the time or energy to take care of it. The piles of clothes in our bedroom are really starting to overwhelm me.

I phone my father daily. He is struggling to finish up all the details that are lingering after Mom’s death as well as learn how to take over the financial responsibilities that she used to handle. Two days before she died, she continued to direct all of us. I was sent to buy gift certificates for a few of her closest friends to thank them for their help this past year. My brother, on the other hand, got the hard job of explaining my mother’s accounting system to my dad. At one point, that afternoon, she even got snippy with him when he asked her what she needed him to do – “Just teach him how to do the bills!! That’s all I want you to do!” She was in charge till the very end, but now she’s gone and we’re all trying desperately to adjust to our new roles. My dad is leaving for his condo in Florida next week. I’m hopeful that the sunny climate and change of venue will help his emotional state as nothing I say to him seems to help too much.

Ella is acting out. She had her first time out at preschool yesterday. She screamed at one of her friends. I can imagine how it sounded as she has been screaming at me a lot lately. I can’t blame her, though. Her mom hasn’t been consistent or reliable for some time now. She has seen me cry a lot and I’ve been gone so much the last two months. Our once laid-back little girl has the attitude of a hormonal pre-teen.

To add to this “uplifting” post, my final stressor at this moment is my fear of Multiple Sclerosis again. I’ve had some periods of numbness in my face and my spine over the last few days. I need to schedule a follow up MRI, but I keep putting it off. I’m sure it’s stress related. I know I’m supposed to take this all one day at a time (didn’t I make that rule??), but I’m starting to think that theory sucks! I just want it all to go away.

We’re going skiing tomorrow. I pray the distraction of trying to keep my kids, and myself, from breaking any bones is enough to keep my mind off of all of this.

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