Thursday, November 10, 2005

The rain cloud that just won't leave

It’s hard to write about things going on here as they are tragic and boring all at the same time.

If I stop thinking, I actually get bored – or content – with the day-to-day routine my parents and I have established. My dad has made strides, but is still a bit shaky and fatigued. I really hope that he is much better by Saturday. Mom is the same. She skipped chemo last week and it hasn’t made much of a difference in her energy level. We will find out today if the chemo is working. If it isn’t, we don’t think there is any more chemo for her at this time.

My brother and his three kids are coming for dinner and another family meeting. I am tempted to have a serious heart to heart with Mom before that. No one has talked with her about her deep thoughts. Dad doesn’t want to upset her and I hadn’t considered that things were really that bad until now.

I was watching something the other day that had to do with cancer or illness. I was overwhelmed with sadness. I mean the wave hit me and I just started crying. Out of the blue. The dark cloud over my parents’ house is HUGE. It just emanates through every conversation, meal and routine. Everything in the house is the same, but everything is SO different.

I get to leave. I will call daily and continue to try and support my parents in every way I can, but I will be far away. My dad has to stay. He never gets a break. I feel really bad for him.

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