Thursday, November 17, 2005

More bad news

I’m lying on my couch, for the second day in a row, suffering from the stomach flu. I think the emotional strain of my stay with my parents has taken its toll.

I’ve had an especially hard time this week after hearing the results of my mother’s CAT scan. They found a tumor that is blocking a tube leading from her liver…I don’t know much, but what I have extracted from my mom is that it is blocking the bile process. It’s a pretty big deal. Her doctor gave her two choices: 1) go see a “gastro” doctor - get a stint that will open the blockage and then continue with chemo or 2) let nature take its course (she would only probably live for about six weeks.) Again, I was completely taken aback. Shocked is an understatement. I still find it hard to believe that she is so sick. She said she needed to sleep on the information before she decided. She told me that she did not have any strong feelings one way or another.

I spoke with her on Tuesday and she decided to call the gastro guy because “…I might not make it till Christmas if I don’t.” Fortunately on Tuesday night she found the strength to call Sid – her mentor in positive thinking/imagery/healing methods – and after their conversation she says she feels better. She’s willing to fight, or as she put it, “…I’m not ready to give up.”

I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. I prepare for the worst and then things get better. I’m not in denial, though. I know that a tumor on her liver is extremely dire, but I’m just glad that she has hope. The last thing I want for her is fear or depression.

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