Sunday, November 27, 2005

Mixed emotions

It’s taken me this entire four-day weekend to finally get to a point where I feel a desire to write about how I've been feeling lately. When everything going on seems to be negative, I don't want to focus on it.

It’s our busiest time of the year at school and missing 12 of the last 18 days (flu and my trip to Minnesota) has really made things difficult. I try to only work a solid eight hours, but that’s really impossible. I’m so behind I could stay for twice that, but I cannot give much more. My entire being is wrapped up in caring for my family and my parents. Each evening I call my parents to help with anything they may need. I try to cover the basics. It’s as if I’ve never left. I’m still monitoring my parent’s health. There are so many things to check - calls to doctors, appointments to track, medication and rehab to monitor. I’ve heard that I’m a member of the sandwich generation. Taking care of my kids and my parents. It’s true. My parents are slowly, but surely, letting me take control of many of the details in their life. Unfortunately, this role I’ve been dealt is sucking me dry. Before this weekend I was feeling extremely burned out. I’ve had a good break, though, and am feeling much more refreshed.

Thanksgiving with friends, leaves raked before the snow fell, time to do laundry and clean, time to play with my kids, lots of take out and dinners out – these things make for a perfect weekend. The kids even sense a more relaxed air in the house. They managed to keep their bickering to a minimum.

I wonder how much we would get done if Mom didn’t have cancer, if Dad hadn’t just had surgery, if Chris’ job was so demanding or if I didn’t work at all. I might even have time to make turkeys.

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