I’m not sure why, but I just don’t have the desire to do a lot besides what’s required. I’m hoping it’s because I give so much to my kids. Or that it’s because I have yet to find my “passion” – the one thing I want to do so much that it won’t feel like work. It transgresses into my journaling.
It’s not that I don’t have material – hell, my kids give me tons to write about, as well as my job (and the clientele I work with), my marriage (and all the planning we are doing for 2007) and of course my dad (and his dating life) – it’s just the lack of energy I feel about pretty much everything. The following little story kind of sums it up.
Two weeks ago I went to the gym to workout for the first time after our vacation at Christmas. I hadn’t worked out at all in about ten days, had eaten more than one should and felt unusually bloated. I got on the same elliptical machine I always use, but there was a guy on the one next to me. I usually go at 6:00 AM, when the place opens, so that I can work out before work, and enjoy the quietness of the place. He had headphones on, so I didn’t worry about making pleasantries, but he took them off and said “hi.” We chatted about his upcoming triathlon within about 30 seconds and that transitioned into his world travels and multiple graduate degrees. About 15 minutes after we started talking, I looked down to see that my heart rate was through the roof. I had subconsciously started “racing” this guy and my lack of fitness couldn’t keep up.
As we segued into talking about his mid life crisis – and I tried to throw in some of my counseling techniques – I asked him if he was a Type A personality. “Of course, I am,” he laughed. I responded, “Well, I’m not at all. I would be more of a Type L – for “lazy”.
I’m perfectly comfortable with this part of myself. Honestly. I wouldn’t want to be Type A. I like the idea of it, but know that it is a hard badge to wear. However, I’m not sure this Type L thing is all it’s cracked up to be. I think I may more realistically be something in the middle. I ebb and flow – energy wise. I just think this drag on my energy has lasted a little too long. The last time I think I felt more normal was about December 12, 2005. I’m due for an upswing. Hopefully all the plans we have for 2007 will come to fruition – I think they will help.