Blah, blah, whine, whine

I feel as if my blog has become a chronicle of my life miseries with a few cute anecdotes thrown in.

I know I have a lot going on right now, but who doesn't?! I guess I just want you all (my seven or eight adoring fans!) to know that I am fine. Life is what you make of it.

"There are times when we must sink to the bottom of our misery to understand truth, just as we must descend to the bottom of a well to see the stars in broad daylight." --Vaclav Havel

I don't think I'm at "the bottom", but I do think there is a lot of crap in my life right now. I don't understand it all, but I'm ok with the journey. I just didn't want anyone to think I'm have a pity party.

Just felt the need to clarify that.

Good. I feel better.

Torn

I have officially become a “tween”. Not the "kid" version.  No, I am a caregiver on two ends and I’m feeling squished!

As anyone with kids knows, preschool aged kids are demanding. Not more so than any other age, but still demanding. They can’t reach things or tie their shoes. They can’t express themselves very well and are easily frustrated getting out their complex thoughts. The whining and tantrums associated with this developmental stage will probably cause me to run in front of a bus one of these days! Their constant needs are tiring because they are CONSTANT.

H or E: “Mom, I need a rag.”
Me: “Why?”
H or E: “Because my yogurt spilled….Mom, I need a rag!!!!”
Me: “I’m working on it. Please don’t talk to me in that tone.”
H or E: “I need it!!!! I spilled my milk.” (whining and crying start to accompany this request)
Me: “Oh…that’s ok. Calm down.”
H or E: “Mom, don’t do it for me! I want to clean it up.”
Me: “Oh…ok. Please don’t yell at me, though. I was trying to help.”
H or E: “Mom!!!! I can’t do it right – I don’t want this silly rag! I hate yogurt!”

Many times a day I will have similar interactions with either of my kids. They are trying to be independent, but have a never ending desire to be dependent at the same time. The patience required and the physical demands are high. Parenting is a lot of work. (You can quote me on that, by the way.)

Parenting is a caregiving task that most people comprehend even if they don’t have kids. Taking care of elderly parents is something foreign to most people I know. I was born relatively late in my parents’ lives. My mom was 37 when she had me – my dad was 35. Now they are older than most of my friends' parents. I can look to my mom for advice, but probably won't so I don't appear to be complaining. My dad’s mom developed breast cancer, and let it go untreated for a long time, before I was born. By the time I was born, she needed constant care and had lost both of her breasts and an arm to the disease. She moved in with my parent’s when I was an infant. My mom didn’t work and did the bulk of her care. She died when I was about 18 months old. I remember my mother describing it as a very tough period in her life. Newly married, new to New York state, new mom and caregiver to her mother in law – I can’t even imagine.

I find myself, though, in a somewhat similar situation. I have two beautiful children to care for, but I also have two parents that need care. My father informed me last Friday that he needs heart valve replacement surgery as soon as possible. They have scheduled it for October 28th. (The same day that our house closes!) He will be in the hospital for four days and then a nursing home for about 7-10 days. He won’t be able to drive for two months after that.

I need to go help. I want to go help. My mom can’t stay alone – she’s still bed ridden from her cancer. My dad needs someone to visit and stay with him in the hospital and then the care facility. My brother lives right there in Minneapolis, but has two jobs and is a single parent to three kids. He will do what he can, but I’m the willing and logical choice to take care of my mom while he’s gone. In-home health care is cost prohibitive and ewwwwww! I don’t want a stranger sleeping in our house. I’m taking the second shift. My brother will take my dad to the hospital and stay through his surgery. He’ll stay with my mom that first weekend and then they’d like me to come that Monday. Halloween.

I love my parents to death. I want to be there for my dad. I want to help my mom. I’m so sad, though, that I won’t be able to go trick-or-treating with my kids or go watch Harrison in the Kindergarten costume parade. This “tween” stuff is for the birds.

What we did this weekend

We started decorating for Halloween.

Ella and I went shopping and TOTALLY splurged on these back-to-school shoes. (She HUGGED them when she first saw them...what was I supposed to do?)

Chris and Harry installed the IKEA lights we bought this summer. FINALLY.

Harrison wanted to draw Noah's Ark, but couldn't figure out how...so he put together his puzzle as a reference. Pretty cool.

We entertained our friends for "movie night"

Taking a break.

Licking the bowl.

I should've been there

We are really fortunate to have three neighbor kids on our block that are Harrison’s age. Each of these kids has a younger sibling who is Ella’s age. Each of the five year olds is in Harry’s Kindergarten class. All six of these children are female - we affectionately call them “Harry’s Harem.” During this past year as new Utahns, Harrison has all but ignored his harem. Why play with girls when there are two boys right around the corner? However, when classroom assignments were posted this fall, all three girls were placed with the same teacher as my boy. We knew that Kyle and Harry would be disappointed with this, but tried to look at it as a great opportunity to get to know the girls on our street better.

One of the girl’s mother graciously walks Harrison to and from school. It is so nice knowing that he is with someone who truly cares for him. She’ll call me most afternoons and tell me wonderful stories about what Harry and her daughter have been up to. When I forget which day is “show and tell” or book fair day – she’s there to remind me. It’s a great arrangement.

Harrison must feel secure with Kindergarten and my neighbor because he has been happy this fall. Really happy. He has moments, of course, when he would rather stay home, but for the most part he is excited and eager to learn. He has become much more verbal and social with others. It seems as if he is starting to really come into his own.

Yesterday, as I was driving home and chatting with the neighbor about Harrison, I mentioned a bit of guilt about Ella. I don’t have as much concern about her, or her behavior, while she is away from me. We talked about how the second child doesn’t get as much attention and came to the conclusion that they don’t seem to need as much. Ella’s disposition is generally easier than Harrison's. She is able to satisfy most of her needs on her own and is compliant most of the time.

Feeling positive about both of my kids after my phone call, I sauntered into preschool to pick them up after work yesterday. They greeted me in the foyer of the school and I noticed a red mark on Ella’s cheek. I assumed it was lipstick or makeup gone awry. As I got closer, unfortunately I was wrong. Ella tripped on the sidewalk that surrounds the playground and fell on her face. She bit into her lips on the inside of her mouth and scraped up her face pretty badly. When I saw her, and heard all of this from her teacher, I just grabbed her. I must have held on for over two minutes.

I know that kids fall and get hurt, but to me it seemed to take on a deeper meaning. It was as if a heavy medicine ball was thrown into my gut. It pushed me over and when I got up – I was more aware and thankful for the gifts in my life. My kids are hard work and give me a lot of reasons to complain. I was reminded last night that life is fragile and things can change quickly. I pray that this is the only “reminder” I receive for quite some time.

I'm sounding a bit melodramatic - I know! Don't bug me about it - it goes with being a mom!

The negotiating is over....for now.

The buyers, I'm convinced, are bi-polar. One minute they want to live in the historic register neighborhood in which our house is located more than anything - the next they are freaked out because the garage is not in the best condition. So what if one of the windows broke in their hands when they tried to open it? They are original, wavy and OLD - 110 years old to be exact. I know that that can be disconcerting, but they know that things like that go with the territory. The furnace worked well during our tenure, but amazingly their inspector (Uncle Bob who just happens to be a heating contractor posing as an inspector) found seven hundred dollars worth of repair work. They love the three fireplaces in the downstairs main living areas. Female buyer C has already commissioned portraits to be done of her three kids to put over "her" three new mantels. They don't love the knob and tube wiring in the attic. If it is not repaired, they will walk.

We have decided to just give them what they want - money off the already incredibly low price and some cash back to fix a few things. I have contacted a lender who AMAZINGLY is willing to give us some money to cover these expenses and the final loss amount. Closing is set for the end of the month. THIS month. By Halloween it could all be over. By Halloween we could be ready to begin the next stage of our life. I need to think of a really creative and symbolic costume to celebrate this gigantic event.

Weekend in Moab

So much sand to dig in, so little time.

My favorite little outdoor girl

Corona Arch

Slick rock

It's pretty hard to hike with a child on your shoulders, but it's even harder to listen to their whines!

Preparing for a vacation is always trying. I anticipate the worst and hope for the best. This trip, however, I tried so hard to not worry and to prepare as well as I could (or was willing to) and to let go of the rest. I had plenty of time to pack for this trip to Moab, but still managed to forget some critical items – Ella’s asthma medications, her still-not-completely-potty-trained-nighttime-diapers, and the crayons. Medications can be skipped for a couple days, diapers can be borrowed from your more prepared traveling partner, but the crayons! Being without crayons during a semi-long car ride can become tortuous. Both of the kids have become art fiends lately, so the absence of their creative outlet was painful. Since I took away their kinesthetic tools, they substituted. Their instrument of choice was their voices. Screaming, whining, singing and arguing were heard from the back seat for over 8 hours this past weekend.

By the time we got home, we were back to square one – not wanting to ever travel with the kids again! We go through these stages. We’ll have a hard time with the kids and vow never to do again whatever it is that bugged us so much in the first place. Of course we’ll forget soon and do it again anyway.

Actually, the trip went really well while we were in Moab. I feel so fortunate to live so close to such beautiful scenery. We stayed in a great condo with Beth and family. My kids were so thrilled to have their favorite playmates sleeping in the next room. The big boys gravitated to the Legos and Tonka trucks, while the three year olds enjoyed playing “family”. The secret favorite toys of the weekend, however, were the Barbies. It was pretty cute to see different kids playing alone with them, off and on, throughout the weekend.

Highlights of the trip were the hikes, of course. Our first hike was along a stream that had flooded recently. It was definitely one of the more lush places in this part of the country. There are times, when walking in areas of Moab, that make you feel like you’re on the moon. That was how it felt on the second hike. Slick rock is prevalent in this part of the state. It is easy to get lost when hiking on it because there is no path to follow. Piles of rocks, called cairns, are placed along these types of trails to help you find your way back similar to the bread crumbs left by Hansel and Gretel.

I went to work happier today. Harrison and Ella seem happier, too. Tonight, Harry kept hugging Chris and I. He loves family togetherness. We certainly had a lot of that the past few days. Looking back at the photos helps fade the memories of the arduous car travel and relentless packing, unpacking and planning. I’m so glad we do these kind of things. There’s nothing quite like hearing your children ask if they can go back to Moab soon.

House update: Tuesday at midnight is our last deadline with Buyer C. We have to agree to pay to "repair" a number of items around the house. If we can afford everything, we will. We sign an agreement to do that and then the deal is all but done. Hard to believe, so I won't quite yet.

These Tevas have made the rounds this year. This particular stream, in Moab, Utah, we encountered during a hike in Negro Bill Canyon this weekend. I'll write more later...right now I'm bathing the kids and trying to unpack.